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 september 23, 1997
Notes from the Road it just won’t stop raining in houston. it’s weird how the rain can really swing my mood. just days ago it was going on 100 degrees and clear; now it’s raining like it’s never gonna quit and i can’t see a thing outside. i wish the rain would stop. it seems as though for each generation God raises up an individual that speaks such dangerous and explicit truth, that their very existance creates controversy. keith green was that person for the baby busters, mark heard bridged the gap between generations, and rich mullins was that person for me. it’s curious how while they’re words are very heavy and their lives very intense, they also seem to be very short. rich said enough for about seven lifetimes, and he was just getting started. as i think back on rich’s influence on me, and his influence on caedmon’s call, i think first of his song ‘hope to carry on.’ that song was the reason that this band started. cliff and danielle got together to learn ‘hope to carry on’-along with the accapella ‘i will sing’ that precedes it on the record ‘never picture perfect’-in order to sing it one sunday morning for church. that song, and rich’s strong ideologies are what inspired cliff to really seek God as to how to best serve his peers, and by what means he would carry out his plans. rich’s writing has inspired me on many different levels. danielle and i have often talked about how rich’s songs have such a strange quality about them-a very rare ‘inspired’ quality that somehow challenges and inspires people on whatever intellectual or spiritual level they happen to be on, while neither talking condescendingly to them nor going way over their heads. rich has always spoken on behalf of ‘every man,’ with such a beautiful simplicity, and with such a profound truth that rich always knew was much, much bigger than he was. that’s one of the most amazing things about rich; he was incredibly conscious of how very small he was as opposed to how very great God is. he had an awkward awareness of just how far his ability got him, and how far beyond that God’s grace could reach-even into the very souls of those who heard his music. rich found such true joy in the simple things of God, and in how his desperate humanity coupled with God’s amazing grace yeilded such beautiful fruit. he was a very accomplished musician, an eliquent writer both in song and in essay, and he was a captivating communicator-yet rich boasted nothing, and claimed no ownership. he was content with living meagerly; with living in a way that gave him no glory, but rather made him a servant to those around him, and made him the least of many. the first time i met rich was when he came to houston to spend the day helping us make the video for his song ‘hope to carry on.’ we were filming at a little irish pub near downtown houston, and he just happened to be near town doing some concerts. as hard as we tried to act cool, we were all really nervous about him being there. once he arrived and we all began talking, we realized something amazing: he was actually human. what’s more is the way he made no apologies for it. he was so incredibly transparant about his struggles, and had a very obvious dependency on his mighty redeemer. as we spoke, i couldn’t help but laugh at a revelation that i remember having. rich’s God was truly an awesome God. the God that he spoke of was too big for our human words or our imaginations. i believe that we all too often try and tame the lion that is our God; we try to confine him to either a 10 minute quiet time, or try to limit his voice to only speaking through things with a ‘Christian’ label on them. the God that rich sang about was much, much larger that any of that. he was all seeing, all knowing, and all powerful. even in the limited time that i had with rich, he was able to teach me such a great deal of God’s true character, and man’s true condition. the last time that i saw rich was when garett and i were in bushnell, illinois playing at the cornerstone festival. it was kind of a last minute deal that we were there, but i had remembered talking to rich about the fact that he was going to be there playing, and that we would all try to hook up if we made it. i remember arriving and seeing mitch mcvicker and the guys in his band, who were all playing with rich at the time, and mitch saying that rich had been wondering where we were. before i even had time to be amazed that rich mullins would’ve remembered me at all, he showed up. he was just plainly walking around the grounds and wandered into the compassion international tent where mitch was scheduled to play, along with the band ‘this train’ who were opening for rich on the road, and where i was playing late that night. he came up and embraced garett and me and promptly invited us to go with him to get something called an ‘ostrich burger.’ i was so suddenly caught up in his worldwind, that i didn’t even have time to think about the fact that this was rich mullins that i was following around. that is something that i clearly remember about him. he lived with a contagious freedom. he was so care-free, that it was hard to not give right in to the spontaneity that surrounded him. a perfect example of it occured just before our set that night. the second to last band was just winding up, and i was stressing out about the fact that i didn’t have near enough material all by myself to play for the length of time that the crowd might be expecting. rich very casually suggested that he could come and play some if i needed him to. you can probably imagine my reaction. we immediately ran into the woods with mitch, garett, and our guitars and began rehearsing some songs. we only had time to work out ‘i will sing’ and ‘hope to carry on’ before it was time to go, and i played three or four songs while rich and mitch tuned up their guitars. when rich signaled me that he was ready, i informed the crowd that we had a very special guest with us. i told the story of his profound influence on me as a writer and on us as a band. i told them of our initial meeting on the set of our first video in houston. there was no doubt who i was speaking of. when rich stepped on stage to plug in his guitar and get ready i couldn’t even finish my introduction for the cheering. he and mitch and i fumbled for a moment to get tuned up and then launched into ‘hope to carry on.’ being up there with rich that night filled me with a feeling that i can’t really relay. i have an almost surreal memory of that night. i’m lucky enough to have the whole thing on video tape thanks to chris houser, who works at our label. i really wish that i had been paying more attention. i wish that i could do it once more. i wish that i could’ve told rich then how much i loved him. more than rich’s love for his friends and family, more than rich’s love for servitude, and more than rich’s love for music was his love for his God. i was always amazed at how open he was to following God’s lead, wherever it would take him. even in his songs you can see his constant yeilding to God’s sovereign will. and even more than that, rich’s songs spoke of how temporal this world was, and of his longing to be with his creator. rich always seemed to feel so awkward on the earth. he had such a wonder and curiosity of the things beyond this world-of the mysteries of heaven and of scripture. he wanted more than anything to be home, and to be free of the burdens of humanity. hours after my brother told me of rich’s death i recieved a very comforting vision; i could just see rich sitting with peter and with paul. i could just hear rich laughing with them about the things that they had all once taken so seriously. i could hear the choirs of heaven being lead in a glorious rendition of ‘awesome God.’ i could see the tears of joy in rich’s eyes as he viewed his Savior. i can imagine Jesus putting his arm around rich and having fellowship with him there in the heavenly places. suddenly i begin to feel very selfish in my sadness. true, it will be a matter of time before i get to hang out with rich again and hear his songs, but rich is where he has always longed to be-with his father. one can’t help but be envious of rich mullins. even in his death, rich glorified God. he leaves behind a legacy of true love and compassion. he leaves behind a collection of songs that exemplify the true Christian walk, and the honest Christian life. most of all, rich leaves behind a multitude of people who he allowed into his life. whether you knew rich personally or knew him only through his songs, we all knew him the same. he offered no more to some than he was willing to give to all, and that was everything. he was a selfless and Christ-like man, and his life was a true blessing. i thank God everytime i remember rich mullins.
"when i leave i want to go out like elijah with a whirlwind to fuel my chariot of fire and when i look back on the stars it’ll be like a candlelight in central park and it won’t break my heart to say goodbye." -rich mullins |
